Blog Articles
Additional resources written by our PCS therapists.
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The Skill Set of Self Validation
Series Three: Blog Thirteen I wonder about dogs. Our dog Addie is a plott hound. She weighs about 65 pounds. Addie thinks only about food. If food is an addiction, she is a recalcitrant counter surfer. Breaking the habit requires constant validation from my wife and me. We have to… -
Hangovers
Series Three: Blog Twelve Fred has been a recovering sex addict for 5 years. Sexual acting out used to be an organizing principle in his life. He woke up every day thinking of numbing out with porn and hooking up with whoever he could find on the internet. It nearly… -
Catfished in a Sweetheart Swindle
Series Three: Blog Eleven Bobbi Ann grew up in a family where she was the only girl with four brothers. Her dad was a truck driver who spent most of his time on the road. When he was home he spent his time trying to catch up with the boys’… -
Understanding Bisexuality
I work with a lot of people who identify as bisexual in my practice and certain themes keep showing up: “People don’t understand me. They think I’m fooling myself. They think I’m indecisive or greedy. I feel alone, erased, and unwanted.” Bisexuality is commonly misunderstood, dismissed, and devalued. It’s time… -
Keeping Score
Series Three: Blog Eleven For many life is a game and keeping score is important. People come together in community and function as a system. In every system there are spoken or unspoken rules. Understanding the rules and how the game is played is important. Usually when you begin a… -
Only the Lonely
Series Three: Blog Ten “Only the lonely, Know the heartaches I’ve been through-Only the Lonely-Know I cry and cry for you” – (Roy Orbison “Only the Lonely” lyrics) Loneliness drives escapism. In an unsettled world there are a million different reasons to want to avoid reality. Traumatic experiences in home… -
Navigating the “emotional white-water rapids” of life.
When I was 16 years old, I went on a white water rafting trip with my scout troop. There were a few seasoned veterans within our group but most of us were clueless greenies. The river we were going to conquer was the Green River – a major tributary to… -
When Old People Cry
Series Three: Blog Eight When people age, a couple of things seem true. Some seniors get crabby and crusty. This type of senior focuses on pessimistic complaints about joint pain, politics, technology, how things used to be, and a lot of other things. These folk are hard to be around…. -
Centered Living
Series Three: Blog Seven Most substance use disorders (SUDS) begin during the young years of life. Some say between ages 13 and 23. It is estimated that only 10% of those who suffer SUDS find help to stop their destructive behavior. Even in communities where addicts do find sobriety, fewer… -
Thermometer or Thermostat
Series Three: Blog Six I just spent several days in the cold country of Illinois and then the mountains of Idaho. I slept outdoors one night when the thermometer read zero. My son had given me a warm sleeping bag that he bought in Nepal. I wanted to try it… -
Adjustments – The Key to Overcoming a Fixed Mind
Series Three: Blog Five When you combine addiction with age, sometimes you come out with a grumpy old man. At least that is what it seems like for me some days. Addiction can be like working out. It makes you sore. You want what you want when you want it,… -
How to Change the Way You Respond
“How do I change the way I respond when I am triggered?” This may be the most frequently asked question I get. And it’s an important one. First, let’s define a ‘trigger.’ A trigger is when something in our present moment elicits a very big emotional reaction within us. The… -
“Wizards” and the Therapeutic Relationship
Early in my professional years, I was asking the question: How can I cure or change this person. Now, I would phrase the question this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for personal growth. -Carl Rogers, PhD. (Psychologist) The therapeutic relationship is one of… -
ROOMMATES? – Hello in There!
Series Three: Blog Four Me and Loretta, we don’t talk much more She sits and stares through the back door screen And all the news just repeats itself Like some forgotten dream that we’ve both seen. (Lyrics from John Prine’s song “Hello in There”) It didn’t seem all that long… -
Relationship Rabbit Holes
Series Three; Blog Three “If you don’t know where you are going any path will get you there, except the path leading to a rabbit hole” (Anonymous). Addicts are forever getting hooked with issues that lead to a rabbit hole. A rabbit hole in a relationship looks like an old… -
Recovery Conundrum: When You Want What You Say You Don’t
Series Three: Blog Two In 12-step meetings, I have listened to addicts reflect about times they adamantly proclaimed they never want to act out again while secretly plotting how they would act out as soon as they got out of the meeting! Are these addicts insincere and crazy? Maybe, but for… -
The Value of the Cold Plunge
Series 3 : Blog 1 Wim Hof, also known as The Iceman, is a Dutch motivational speaker and extreme athlete noted for his ability to withstand freezing temperatures. He has set Guinness World Records for swimming under ice and prolonged full-body contact with ice, and previously held the record for… -
Clinging to the Past and Letting go of the Uncontrollable
Series Two: Blog Ninety-Nine “The real differences around the world today are between those who embrace peace and those who would destroy it. Between those who look to the future and those who cling to the past. Between those who open their arms and those who are determined to clench… -
Fourth Step Inventory
Series Two: Blog Ninety-Eight “Not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”— James Baldwin A few days ago I completed a 4th step inventory with a good friend. As best I recall it was the tenth 4th step that I have… -
The Knotty Problem with Caretaking in Recovery
Series Two: Blog Ninety-Eight “Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you…
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