Diane Keaton: What Her Way of Being Can Teach Us

In the wake of Diane Keaton’s death, I have felt moved by the immense outpouring of heartfelt tributes honoring her. Sure, when any Hollywood legend dies, tributes follow, but in Diane’s case, remembrances of her life and impact appear to be infused with a certain je nai se quois. Maybe it’s that they feel imbued with more heart and warmth than is common. Or maybe it’s more gratitude and impact. 

Whatever it is, it’s something, and this something has sparked within me a curiosity about Diane, her life, and how she lived it. My curiosity has led me to learning that she was a woman who wore–both literally and figuratively–many hats, including that of accomplished actress, director, fashion icon, singer, photographer, philanthropist, author, real estate developer, and historic home restorationist.

I have also discovered that, like the consistency of Diane’s eccentric style, her palpable authenticity appears to have been a constant, no matter the avenue of expression or decade in which it was captured. As I continue to learn more about her–through tributes, delightful interviews, and her many works of art–I find my clinical mind contemplating the concept of Self Energy, as defined by Internal Family Systems therapy.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) explains that we all have Self Energy, which is the natural essence of who we are–and are able to be–when not overly influenced by stress, fear, or inner criticism. When tapped into this core state of being, we tend to feel centered, self-assured, secure, spontaneous, and at ease. To help capture the somewhat esoteric idea of what it means to be in our Self Energy, IFS uses a framework known as the “8 C’s” and “5 P’s”.

The 8 C’s include calmness, curiosity, compassion, clarity, courage, connectedness, creativity, and confidence, and the 5 P’s include presence, persistence, playfulness, perspective, and patience. When I think of these attributes of Self Energy, I cannot help but think of Diane Keaton and how she seemed to embody so many of them. While watching old interviews is a surefire way to experience her Self Energy, clues of its presence are also woven throughout the many tributes shared by those who knew and worked with her. 

Diane’s playfulness was acknowledged by Leonardo Dicaprio, who said “[she] was one of a kind. Brilliant, funny, and unapologetically herself. A legend, an icon, and a truly kind human being.” Josh Gad also described her as “ruthlessly funny.”

Her ability to connect was captured by Octavia Spencer, who said, “the pathos, humor, levity, your ever-present youthfulness and vulnerability–you tattooed your SOUL into every role,” and by Kadee Strickland who described Diane as “welcoming, kind, [and] so very focused.”

Diane had a presence about her that Mary Steenburgen described as “magic. There was no one, nor will there ever be, anyone like her. What a wonder she was!!!” And Jane Fonda referred to her as “a spark of life and light.”

She was well known for her creativity in many domains, and it was Francis Ford Coppola who perhaps summed this up best by saying that “everything about Diane was creativity personified.” Jane Fonda also called her “limitlessly creative.”

Diane had a unique perspective, which was expressed in a number of ways, including her movie roles, fashion sense, and photography. Rita Wilson shared that “every time I met Diane she was laughing, smiling, creating, observing, reflecting.”

Throughout her life, Diane’s confidence and courage were throughlines. Bette Midler expressed that “[Diane] was a complete original… what you saw was who she was.” Josh Gad described her as a “maverick,” and Octavia Spencer acknowledged that “we lost a true original. [She] wasn’t just an actress: she was a force. A woman who showed us that being yourself is the most powerful thing you can be. Thank you, Diane, for reminding us that authenticity never goes out of fashion.”

While much more could be said about Diane’s embodiment of Self Energy, Paramount Pictures distilled her essence nicely: “Diane Keaton established herself as a cinematic icon by doing the most daring thing of all: being wholly herself. [She] captivated audiences with her wit and authenticity, she won our hearts through her irreverence and fearless individuality.” And The Academy described her as having “embodied the contradictions of being human: funny and fragile, bright and bruised, always achingly honest. For decades, she filled every frame with warmth, wit, and wonder.” 

The curious paradox of death is that it illuminates life. And Diane Keaton’s death has illuminated, in a brilliant, incandescent way, just how she lived… with deep presence, playfulness, and perspective; with creativity, courage, confidence, and a profound connectedness to herself and others. Through Diane’s example, may we each be inspired to make deeper contact with our own Self Energy and its expression. 

Sources:

Carson, L. (2025, October 11). Hollywood pays tribute to Diane Keaton: “We lost a true original.” The Hollywood Reporter.

Diane Keaton Dead: Celebrity Reactions, Hollywood Tributes.

Rizzo, A. (2021, November 22). Self in IFS therapy: What it is, what are the 8 C’s and the 5 P’s of self. Therapy with Alessio.

Self in IFS Therapy – what it is, what are the 8 C’s and the 5 P’s of Self — Therapy with Alessio