Thinking About Thoughts

Why are we in our own heads so much? And what can we do about it?

We think about ourselves frequently, don’t we? Sometimes incessantly. We think about our lives—our situations, our actions, our relationships—and then we think about the thoughts we’re having about what we’re thinking about. It’s no wonder we’re “in our own heads.” So why does it bother us?

Often our “thoughts about thoughts” are negative or self-limiting. They bring with them self-judgment, worry, depression, and more. We have fears, we see obstacles, and we live by rules we don’t even realize we have. This can all lead us to be on edge, to try to distract ourselves with videos, TikTok, gaming, or to try to soothe ourselves and relax with alcohol, gummies, or pills. These can help, but only for a short time, and not in the healthy ways we might want.

Our thoughts can also shape our feelings. When we feel anger, for example, we often scold ourselves for it because we’ve been taught that anger is unacceptable. Or we don’t express our needs, which results in resentment, because we judge ourselves as not important enough.

You could say that thinking about our thoughts is a normal part of being a rational person. Philosophers have long debated whether we are just a collection of sensations and reactions or something more. I believe that our ability to make meaning out of our sensations, perceptions, and life in general is what truly defines us as humans.

What form does your thinking about yourself take? If you are considering therapy, then maybe you want to change things up. Figure things out. Learn some skills. Find some new paths.

Therapy can help with all of those and more. It provides you with a safe space – a haven. Or since we’re in the desert, perhaps an oasis. You can talk in a non-judgmental space. You can practice saying what you think and hear it out loud. You can feel those feelings that might not have felt safe to feel before. You can work through being stuck and confused.

In therapy, we can discover ourselves and discover who we can be.