Noisy Spaces Make Little Room for Connection

By Lisa Merrin - 05/22/2025

Okay, I know I am going to sound old and cranky here, but I can’t help but notice how loud most restaurants are these days. I love going out to eat with friends and family. I love trying new foods and breaking bread with those I love. I love slowing down over a meal and having a chance to visit for an extended time with people as a break from our busy lives. Eating out has gotten more expensive, but I still like the idea of trying new places and as much as I like cooking, it’s nice to have the option of focusing on the food and the togetherness more than the preparation and clean up.

However, in the past year at least, I have been having a harder and harder time coming up with ideas for places I can go with others and actually be able to HEAR them while we are together. If I am out with a small group, I generally resign myself to knowing that I will really only be able to exchange words with those immediately next to me. Sometimes, the experience leaves me feeling like I miss those I saw but couldn’t talk with even more than if I hadn’t seen them at all.

I looked up some articles online and saw that restauranteurs want a certain level of excitement and ambience in their spaces so that it feels like their establishment is a fun place to gather. I can appreciate that, and I love the cozy feel of background music and warm chatter. But the music has gotten louder and there is less emphasis on sound dampening in dining rooms, in favor of enhancing the party vibe. Could it be that this is part of the societal shift to create places for hip social media posts with vibrant selfies and exotic food photos, and a movement away from deeper connection with those around us?
I don’t think there is a restaurant conspiracy afoot, but I do think we need to be mindful of the way our recent culture has encouraged us to be together without really BEING together. There are times for loud parties and times for quieter gatherings, and I would love to still be able to have these quieter gatherings in public dining spaces. Humans are social animals and connection nourishes and heals us. The ability to co-regulate with each other over relaxed meals and calm exchanges is scientifically proven to be good for our bodies. So let’s be sure to be intentional about making time for these opportunities and find, ask for, or even create spaces to make this happen. Thanks for considering this and allowing me space for my middle-aged rant!