Giving Yourself Grace

I have been thinking a lot lately about stress and pressure and how all encompassing it can be. I see it everyday as a student and as an intern at PCS. The external pressures that come from every angle externally. The societal, familial and peer pressures to live up to a certain standard, to be something that was modeled to you either implicitly or explicitly. All of these pressures can have a compounding effect, each one adding to the weight of the feeling of not being enough.

The result of these compounding pressures is a sort of Sisyphean masochism wherein we are perpetually striving to be THAT much better in the eyes of others. If we just change one more thing about ourselves in order to fit the mold we believe others want us to fit, only then we will be complete. Satisfied because we have reached this imaginary template of what we believe others think we ought to be. The result of this chase is a perpetual treadmill of futile self-actualization, with internal psychological conflict being the unfortunate by-product.

The issue here is not the motivation itself. Change is inevitable. Change is what drives us forward and what makes life worth experiencing. Change is something worth striving for in the name of growth in every sense of the word. The problem is with the underlying motivation to change. It takes careful self-inspection and reflection on the forces which have influenced you throughout your life to recognize where your motivation for change truly lies. Whether those be your parents, siblings, peers, teachers, bosses, etc. Pay attention to the messages you have received throughout your life and ask the question: “Is this my standard or someone else’s?”

I have come to the realization that for most of my life has been marred by the anxiety of reaching a certain standard to please others. As I attempt to shed that burden there is an undeniable component that must be fulfilled as a duty to yourself within this process. Grace. Grace and kindness toward yourself is paramount. Once you can begin to have empathy for yourself, the weight of external pressures can begin to lift. I have noticed once I presented this thought to myself, life has begun transitioning from an arduous journey, to just a journey. A journey you deserve to experience fully and completely. You owe it to yourself.