Series Two; Blog Sixty-Six
A “frenemy” is an oxymoron that refers to a person who is a friend but at the same time can be an enemy. Sigmund Freud once said that “an intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life…not infrequently, friend and enemy have coincided in the same person.” A frenemy can be one-sided, jealous, passive-aggressive, undermining and a host of other traits. The most devastating trait is betrayal. This trait is experienced like a dagger to the heart. In the Bible, King David referenced his agony of being betrayed by a friend. He wrote “For it is not an enemy who reproaches me; Then I could bear it. Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me; Then I could hide from him. But it was you, a man my equal, my companion and my acquaintance.” (Psalm 55:12-14)
Betrayal from a friend is like the rug being pulled from under you. This happens in recovery community. You thought it would never happen after experiencing dishonesty and deception before getting into recovery. Now you feel double-crossed by a dear friend in your 12-step community. It cuts to the bone. How do you move forward and not just give up on recovery?
Forgiving your frenemy does not mean you must continue a close relationship and be good friends. It does mean that you can let go and not be dominated by the betrayal experience from someone who you thought would never hurt you in the way they did.
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