In a world that glorifies hustle and productivity, we often forget to pause. We move from task to task, constantly planning the next achievement. With this future focus, we take time away from ourselves and enjoying the present. At times I feel myself living in the future. I find it helpful to reflect on how I care for myself and my needs. Having clear examples of self-care and grounding techniques is helpful for me to reflect on, so I wanted to share these tools with others.

I’ve noticed that self-care can sometimes carry a negative connotation. Self-care doesn’t need to be expensive or aesthetic. It’s simply any act that gently tells you: ‘I matter.’

Examples of this may include:

• Sitting outside in the sun
• Doing a digital detox
• Journaling
• Listening to comforting music
• Drawing/painting/anything creative
• Taking a long shower/bath
• Engaging in physical activity (walking, running, Pilates, any form of movement that feels fulfilling)
• Yoga/gentle stretching
• Wearing comfy clothes
• Taking a short nap
• Light a candle
• Stay hydrated

And the list can go on and on. Self-care is most effective when it is something realistic and enjoyable that you can incorporate into your routine.

I also consider grounding and mindfulness to be a part of my own self-care. Grounding
involves focusing on the present moment and relieving overwhelming emotions. There are hundreds of grounding techniques out there, but some of my favorites include:

• 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Method: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
• Butterfly hug: Cross your arms across your chest. Interlace your fingers, creating a
  butterfly-like shape with your arms. Alternate tapping your fingertips on your upper
  arms, mimicking the fluttering motion of a butterfly’s wings. Focus on the slow inhale of your breath and deep exhale. Continue until you feel calmer and grounded.
• Box breathing: Get in a comfortable position. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4. Hold your breath for 4. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 4. Continue until you feel calmer and more grounded.
• Progressive muscle relaxation: While sitting in a comfortable space, breathe deeply and begin to curl your toes and tense the muscles in your feet. Keep this tension for 5-10 seconds and then slowly release, noticing how that release feels. Move up to the next muscle group, like the lower legs, and repeat. Continue this process until you work your way up to your face and head. Tense, release, notice.
• Hold a piece of ice: What does it feel like in your hands? How does that feeling change as the ice melts?
• Notice your body: How do your feet feel on the floor? Are your arms stiff or loose? Is your stomach full or hungry?
• Connect with nature: Sit in the grass. Soak in the sun. Touch a tree.

In busy periods of life, these tools may slip away, but it’s helpful to come back to them. Here, you can reflect on values and the importance of putting yourself first so you can show up as a healthy, balanced person in work, school, and relationships. What I’ve learned for myself is that I cannot show up authentically unless I make an active effort to care for myself. I encourage you to find self-care and grounding techniques that work for you and even to try out some of my favorites. As we move into the busy holiday season, I know these techniques will be increasingly important, so I encourage you to set aside time to care for yourself. What’s one small thing you can do today that reminds you that you matter? It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to feel right for you.

In the wake of Diane Keaton’s death, I have felt moved by the immense outpouring of heartfelt tributes honoring her. Sure, when any Hollywood legend dies, tributes follow, but in Diane’s case, remembrances of her life and impact appear to be infused with a certain je nai se quois. Maybe it’s that they feel imbued with more heart and warmth than is common. Or maybe it’s more gratitude and impact. 

Whatever it is, it’s something, and this something has sparked within me a curiosity about Diane, her life, and how she lived it. My curiosity has led me to learning that she was a woman who wore–both literally and figuratively–many hats, including that of accomplished actress, director, fashion icon, singer, photographer, philanthropist, author, real estate developer, and historic home restorationist.

I have also discovered that, like the consistency of Diane’s eccentric style, her palpable authenticity appears to have been a constant, no matter the avenue of expression or decade in which it was captured. As I continue to learn more about her–through tributes, delightful interviews, and her many works of art–I find my clinical mind contemplating the concept of Self Energy, as defined by Internal Family Systems therapy.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) explains that we all have Self Energy, which is the natural essence of who we are–and are able to be–when not overly influenced by stress, fear, or inner criticism. When tapped into this core state of being, we tend to feel centered, self-assured, secure, spontaneous, and at ease. To help capture the somewhat esoteric idea of what it means to be in our Self Energy, IFS uses a framework known as the “8 C’s” and “5 P’s”.

The 8 C’s include calmness, curiosity, compassion, clarity, courage, connectedness, creativity, and confidence, and the 5 P’s include presence, persistence, playfulness, perspective, and patience. When I think of these attributes of Self Energy, I cannot help but think of Diane Keaton and how she seemed to embody so many of them. While watching old interviews is a surefire way to experience her Self Energy, clues of its presence are also woven throughout the many tributes shared by those who knew and worked with her. 

Diane’s playfulness was acknowledged by Leonardo Dicaprio, who said “[she] was one of a kind. Brilliant, funny, and unapologetically herself. A legend, an icon, and a truly kind human being.” Josh Gad also described her as “ruthlessly funny.”

Her ability to connect was captured by Octavia Spencer, who said, “the pathos, humor, levity, your ever-present youthfulness and vulnerability–you tattooed your SOUL into every role,” and by Kadee Strickland who described Diane as “welcoming, kind, [and] so very focused.”

Diane had a presence about her that Mary Steenburgen described as “magic. There was no one, nor will there ever be, anyone like her. What a wonder she was!!!” And Jane Fonda referred to her as “a spark of life and light.”

She was well known for her creativity in many domains, and it was Francis Ford Coppola who perhaps summed this up best by saying that “everything about Diane was creativity personified.” Jane Fonda also called her “limitlessly creative.”

Diane had a unique perspective, which was expressed in a number of ways, including her movie roles, fashion sense, and photography. Rita Wilson shared that “every time I met Diane she was laughing, smiling, creating, observing, reflecting.”

Throughout her life, Diane’s confidence and courage were throughlines. Bette Midler expressed that “[Diane] was a complete original… what you saw was who she was.” Josh Gad described her as a “maverick,” and Octavia Spencer acknowledged that “we lost a true original. [She] wasn’t just an actress: she was a force. A woman who showed us that being yourself is the most powerful thing you can be. Thank you, Diane, for reminding us that authenticity never goes out of fashion.”

While much more could be said about Diane’s embodiment of Self Energy, Paramount Pictures distilled her essence nicely: “Diane Keaton established herself as a cinematic icon by doing the most daring thing of all: being wholly herself. [She] captivated audiences with her wit and authenticity, she won our hearts through her irreverence and fearless individuality.” And The Academy described her as having “embodied the contradictions of being human: funny and fragile, bright and bruised, always achingly honest. For decades, she filled every frame with warmth, wit, and wonder.” 

The curious paradox of death is that it illuminates life. And Diane Keaton’s death has illuminated, in a brilliant, incandescent way, just how she lived… with deep presence, playfulness, and perspective; with creativity, courage, confidence, and a profound connectedness to herself and others. Through Diane’s example, may we each be inspired to make deeper contact with our own Self Energy and its expression. 

Sources:

Carson, L. (2025, October 11). Hollywood pays tribute to Diane Keaton: “We lost a true original.” The Hollywood Reporter.

Diane Keaton Dead: Celebrity Reactions, Hollywood Tributes.

Rizzo, A. (2021, November 22). Self in IFS therapy: What it is, what are the 8 C’s and the 5 P’s of self. Therapy with Alessio.

Self in IFS Therapy – what it is, what are the 8 C’s and the 5 P’s of Self — Therapy with Alessio

When I sat down to write my last blog, I immediately wanted to avoid writing it. When I
mentioned this to a colleague, a suggestion was made to write about avoidance in my next blog.
That got me thinking about what’s really going on when I resist writing something others might
see? Am I insecure about my abilities? Worried about judgment? If people don’t like it, does that
mean something about me?

As a therapist, I often help people explore avoidance but turning that lens on myself is harder.
Avoidance usually protects us from pain, discomfort, or fear of failure. For me, writing feels tied
to self-worth. If I write a blog that I perceive as good, I feel good about myself. If it turns out
poorly, I feel like I’m not enough. That’s a familiar script for me. Others may avoid through
procrastination. Procrastination looks like over preparing or telling yourself that you have other,
more important things to do. Perfectionism may show up in a way that creates endless editing
and something never being good enough to the point it never gets finished. Sometimes, younger
protective parts come online when we need to do something hard or potentially painful. For
example, my younger self who learned mistakes weren’t safe, now shows up as a part that
sometimes prevents me from starting on something because it is worried about a negative
outcome. Even success can feel risky, because doing something well might invite more work.

Our brains also play a role. Thanks to negativity bias, we’re wired to focus on possible threats,
even when none exist. Writing a blog isn’t dangerous, but my brain acts like it is. Fear and
avoidance can feel protective, even when they hold us back.

What can you do to help yourself?

• Notice your self-talk. Ask: is it really true? Will everyone judge me? Probably not. Even if some do, that doesn’t mean something is wrong with me.
• Change the narrative. Instead of “I can’t do hard things,” remind yourself, “I am someone who can do hard things.”
• Think of your future self. Avoidance doesn’t make things easier. Starting now is a gift to yourself later. Slowing down can help here to get a sense of what’s going on internally.
• Talk to the part that avoids. Often, it’s a younger part trying to protect you. As an adult, you have the skills to handle discomfort. Can that younger part step aside so your adult self can step up and do the work?
• Accept that risk is unavoidable. There is risk in everything, but risk is necessary for us to learn and grow. There is no growth in staying comfortable.
• Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. If perfectionism is slowing you down, remember that leaning into making mistakes is an opportunity for growth.
• Seek support if needed. If avoidance pervasive, it might be linked to unresolved trauma, and therapy can help.

Avoidance is human but it doesn’t have to run the show. Naming it, challenging it, and being compassionate with ourselves can make space for growth and freedom.

I remember when my kids were in elementary school and life had finally hit a predictable pace; I knew at the time there was an expiration date to all of it, that someday they’d certainly leave; I’d tell myself, yes, but it’s not right now. Right now, I get spend that time and watch them experience life. And then I told myself I’ll get another year, and another year – that false sense of control, or at least what feels like control. Steady comfort, until there’s not another year left, or another month, because it’s right here, it’s 3 weeks.

In 3 weeks, the need for me will be different. The youngest will go to college out-of-state and there’s a lot I won’t know or experience with him. He’s going to know people I don’t know, people I’ll never meet or hear about. People who will shape and develop him. I’ll have to figure out how to stay connected from afar. The need for me will be different. And this is good.

There’s a term in my profession called “individuation”, a natural time where young adults rebel (not necessarily in the destructive sense but in the definition sense – Google definition: “to rise in opposition or armed resistance against an established government or ruler.”) in order to discover who they are separate from everyone. The implication in the “rising” is the growing – the elevating of this changing, separate, whole person.

So, that’s it. My youngest is rising and now I’m looking at me. What am I doing? Am I rising? Am I growing? I haven’t had to fully think about me for a long time, 18 years, longer.

It’s not that there’s been NO growth or self-focus over these 18 plus years, it’s just that I focused on them more. Now that’s changing.

And I’m not alone.

The truth is that life puts an empty nest in front of everyone – some loss that suddenly shifts the sense of life as they knew it. Something or someone there who is no longer there. Spouses, significant others, parents, jobs, school, friends, and not even in the obvious ways change shows up, but in the quiet ways when it’s just not the same anymore. Or someone isn’t the same anymore. What follows can be grief, fear, uncertainty, anger; however, maybe, there can be a rebel side to this empty nest; a rising where there is hope, anticipation and excitement.

Keeping the nest empty may feel safe for some, maybe more secure. However, the stuckness that is certain to follow can feel aimless and debilitating. To take aim, we need to face and…

Fill the Nest:

• Call old friends and family
• Spend time with current friends and family
• Learn a new language
• Go to school
• Go back to school
• Advance your knowledge and expertise in your profession
• Read books
• Write
• Take dance classes
• Learn a sport
• Change careers
• Learn a musical instrument
• Join a group or a club
• Ask for help
• Travel
• Laugh
• Wear different kinds of clothing or different colors than you normally wear
• Change your hairstyle
• Volunteer
• Mentor
• Play
• Live

Face the fear. Rebel. Rise. FILL the nest.

This probably sounds familiar. You sit down to watch your favorite show, and before you know it, you’re rewinding because notifications on your phone stole your attention. For me, it was the survival series Alone. I missed a medical evacuation while reading about a hot dog eating contest. I missed a contestant’s run-in with a bear because of a baseball score alert. I even missed a big plot twist thanks to a shipping notification email. My evening wasn’t the uninterrupted time I was expecting.

And it turns out, there’s a name for this constant slicing and dicing of our attention: Time Confetti (Shulte, 2014). Technology is supposed to make life easier, right? Over the last decade, productivity has crept upward, helped along by our phones and other tools. But here’s the catch: while we’re getting more done at work, those same devices are fueling anxiety and crowding out our free time. This is part of something called The Autonomy Paradox.We adopt mobile technology to gain freedom over where and how we work, but it ends up meaning we are constantly available and bombarded with notifications. Layer in the 24-hour news cycle, social media updates, and a never-ending flow of texts, and it’s no wonder we have less uninterrupted time than ever.

Confetti sounds fun except when it’s everywhere. When I first saw the phrase Time Confetti, I pictured using little bits of free time to boost my mental health. Journalist and author Brigid Schulte (2014) coined the term, but instead of a celebration, it describes the tiny, inconsistent, numerous, interruptions from our phone.One or two pieces of confetti aren’t a big deal. But dump a whole bucket of it in your living room, and you’ll be finding stray bits for months. That’s what our brains are dealing when we get so many notifications. The problem is that the “confetti” is buzzing, dinging, and lighting up our screens.

The numbers are worse than you think. How many notifications do you get in an hour? Go ahead, I’ll wait while you count. The average person receives 146 push notifications per day, more the younger you are (Franklin, 2024). Push notifications are those that show up on your phone, typically on your lock screen, whether you are using an app or not. That’s roughly one every ten minutes if we spread them evenly over 24 hours.If each notification takes just 30 seconds of attention, that’s nearly 8% of your day. That’s almost 2 hours spent on notifications alone. And that doesn’t even account for the mental reset time it takes to get back into whatever you were doing, or the emotional toll if those alerts are stressful like bad news headlines or urgent work messages.

Why is all this important when we think about our mental health? The American Psychiatric Association reports that 43% of adults in 2024 felt more anxious than the year before, with technology’s impact on daily life listed as a concern (Boston College, 2020). When our leisure time is chopped into fragments, rest stops feeling restorative.The result? Higher burnout risk, more anxiety, and less capacity to focus on the things that matter. Like actually enjoying that TV show you sat down to watch or connecting with a friend or loved one.  

Time to sweep up those confetti pieces. Here’s how to start reclaiming your time and attention, reducing your anxiety, and improving your mental health.

• Audit your alerts. Track how many notifications you get in a day. The number is often higher than you think, and just knowing is a good first step.

• Cut the noise. Decide which alerts are essential. Switch some apps from “push” (instant) notifications to passive ones you check manually. Your future self will thank you.

• Create phone-free time. Set aside phone-free time in the evenings or weekends. Put your phone in another room. Try it as a family and see what happens when you interact in person.

• Go on a news diet. If the news is stressing you out, take a break or limit your intake. You might try a daily news digest like 1440 or a good-news-only site for a mood boost.

• Protect your focus at work. Block out calendar time for deep work and mute notifications during those hours.

• Get support if needed. If anxiety from constant connectivity feels unmanageable, a therapist can help you develop coping strategies and set healthy boundaries.

The bottom line is that we can’t avoid every ping, buzz, or alert. However, we can control how much of our mental space we let them take up. A little intentionality goes a long way toward turning your day back into something whole instead of a big mess of confetti.

References:

Boston College. (2020, November). COVID-19’s toll on mental health: Anxiety and stress spike during pandemic. BC News – Campus & Community. Retrieved August 10, 2025, from Boston College website: Boston College researchers found that reports of anxiety increased to 50 percent and depression to 44 percent by November 2020—rates six times higher than 2019. https://www.bc.edu/content/bc-web/bcnews/campus-community/faculty/anxiety-and-stress-spike-during-pandemic/

Franklin, N. (2024, May 29). People receive a phone notification every ten minutes on average. Workplace Insight. https://workplaceinsight.net/people-receive-a-phone-notification-every-ten-minutes-on-average/

Schulte, B. (2014). Overwhelmed: Work, love & play when no one has the time. Sarah Crichton Books.

There’s a moment many of us have experienced: you lie down at night and only then realize you’ve had a headache all day, or that there’s been a knot in your stomach or a tightness in your chest. Sometimes, we push through exhaustion without even noticing we’re tired — just go-go-go all day.

These moments are quiet reminders of something we often forget: we’re living in a body. And that body is speaking all the time — the problem is, we’re often not listening.

What is Body Awareness?

Body awareness, or somatic consciousness, is the ability to notice what’s happening in your body in real time. It’s recognizing how you’re breathing, where you’re holding tension, whether you’re hungry or full, hot or cold, restless or fatigued.

It sounds simple, but in today’s world — where most of us live in our heads — it’s actually something we need to relearn.

From an early age, we naturally begin to develop this awareness through movement and exploration. But as we grow older, the emphasis shifts from embodied experience to cognitive performance. We prioritize thoughts over sensations, achievement over presence, and somewhere along the way, we begin to disconnect from our bodies. The result? We stop feeling — until the body demands our attention through symptoms, anxiety, chronic tension, or burnout.

In my own therapeutic work, both in person and online, body awareness has become a cornerstone — whether I’m working with someone through IFS parts work, guiding an EMDR reprocessing session, or simply helping a client ground during a difficult moment.

Why Is Somatic Awareness So Helpful in Therapy?

The body often knows before the mind does.

Your body might begin showing signs of sadness, anger, or anxiety — a clenched jaw, a racing heart, a pit in your stomach — long before your mind can name what’s going on. That’s because emotions don’t start in the head. They live in the body.

When we develop somatic awareness, we start to recognize these subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals. And this gives us options. It allows us to respond instead of react.

For example:

• You might notice your shoulders creeping up as a signal that a part of you is feeling overwhelmed or protective.
• You might become aware of a sudden heaviness in your chest while remembering or re-living a difficult memory; something your body is helping you feel even if your words haven’t caught up yet. For this, I recommend seeking EMDR therapy.
• Or you may learn to distinguish between physical tiredness and emotional exhaustion — and give yourself what you actually need.

Somatic awareness is what helps us notice when our inner system is out of balance — when a part of us is triggered or when our nervous system needs regulation. That’s why it’s such a powerful complement to therapeutic approaches like IFS and EMDR, which both rely on the ability to track sensations, images, and shifts in the internal world.

The Mind–Body Disconnect

Stress and anxiety thrive in the past and the future. The body, on the other hand, exists only in the now. That’s why bringing attention to the body — even for a few minutes — can be such an effective way to calm the nervous system and interrupt runaway thoughts.

The challenge is that when we’re overwhelmed or stuck in a trauma response, body awareness tends to shut down. It’s actually very common for clients to feel disconnected from their bodies after difficult experiences. This isn’t a flaw — it’s a protective mechanism. In IFS terms, these are often exiled parts or protective parts doing their job. But over time, staying disconnected only keeps the cycle going.

When we reintroduce safe, non-judgmental body awareness — gently, and with support — it opens a doorway back to self-connection.

How to Begin Developing Body Awareness

Here’s the good news: somatic awareness is not a talent — it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be developed and deepened with practice.

Some helpful ways to begin:

• Check in with your breath: Without changing it, just notice. Where does it feel open? Where does it feel stuck?
• Scan for tension: Gently explore your jaw, shoulders, hands, belly. Are you holding anything you didn’t realize?
• Track your sensations during emotional moments: When you feel something strongly, ask yourself: Where do I feel this in my body? What part of me might be holding this?
• Ground in movement: Yoga, Pilates, dance, or somatic-based techniques like guided meditations or body scans can help reconnect the body and mind in a mindful, integrated way.
• Use body cues as information: Feeling tension rise? That might be a part of you needing a pause. Use it as a signal, not a failure.

From a neurological standpoint, body awareness activates new pathways in the brain. In fact, moving with awareness can stimulate neuroplasticity — helping you shift old emotional patterns and create new, more regulated responses to life’s challenges.

Body Awareness in Action: Benefits You Can Feel

When you start to tune in to your body regularly, you may notice:

• A greater ability to self-regulate when stress hits
• Improved posture and reduced tension or chronic pain
• Fewer anxiety flare-ups, or catching them sooner
• Stronger boundaries — recognizing your limits before burnout
• Clearer, more authentic communication
• A felt sense of calm that doesn’t require overthinking or numbing
• Increased connection with yourself — and with others

Final Thoughts

I often say to my clients: “Your body isn’t the problem — it’s the messenger.”

If you receive a letter that brings you discomfort, it would not be right to lash out or get angry with the person delivering the mail. The same goes for your body.

The journey of learning to listen can feel unfamiliar, especially if you’ve spent years disconnecting in order to cope. But each moment of presence is a quiet act of healing — a way of saying to your nervous system, “I’m here. I’m listening. You’re safe.”

And sometimes, that’s the most therapeutic thing we can do.

Giving gifts is a language of love and kindness. It is a vulnerable offering that requires the equal prioritization of intention and impact. When done with skill, giving and receiving co-occur for both parties, strengthening our sense of being valued and connected. Gifts, broadly defined, come in many different forms, and loosely conform, to an unstated rubric. The various types of gifts, along with the dos and don’ts of giving, get easier to identify as a relationship becomes more familiar. Even in our most intimate circles, however, it can be easy to miss the mark without some helpful guidelines.

Sleight of Hand:
It is a natural and normal tendency to use oneself as a frame of reference when attempting to understand and relate to other people in the absence of direct feedback. Albeit, when selecting a gift, this strategy is risky, and if relied on too heavily, may end up feeling to your recipient like a sleight of hand; one in which you are giving to get. This type of mistake was sardonically portrayed in a Simpson’s episode where Marge receives a bowling ball from her husband, Homer, as a birthday gift. Having waited until the last minute, Homer rushed out to find something, only to be distracted by his own interests. Consequently, Marge opened her gift to find a bowling ball that was not selected, nor designed, with her in mind. Instead, it had Homer’s name engraved on it and was manufactured for his body type. Don’t be a Homer.

Ignoring the Obvious:
When someone states honestly, clearly and directly, what they like and want, and conversely, what they don’t like and want, it’s masterful to take some thorough mental notes. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Just walk down easy street and provide the thing that they have requested. You can go a little further by putting a proverbial bow on it but realize that these kinds of gifts are not just about the thing. They are also about giving the intangible and invaluable gift of being seen, heard, and respected.

Failing to Plan…
…Is planning to fail. This isn’t always true but it’s still a good adage, and regarding our topic, has applicable merit. Typically, last minute gifts are easy to spot, and worse, they are usually wrapped in awkwardness for both the giver and the receiver. No matter how hard one tries to cover up or compensate for failing to plan, the lack of time, effort, and consideration becomes an anti-gift.

The don’ts of gift giving outlined above are clues to the dos. Do use an other-centric perspective. Do be attentive to the preferences of your recipient. And do engage in pre-planning.

In addition, I offer the following three tips for gifting with awareness.

Tip #1: Remember that some of the best gifts, don’t cost a dime.

A warm smile, a caring hug, and an attentive massage are all priceless ways to provide the gift of touch. Quality time, which is time plus undivided attention, is one of the most generous equations for making someone feel how much they matter. Acts of service are also highly valued, especially by those overwhelmed by life’s demands. Last, in this cost-effective category, are the things we say and the ways we say them, which can be verbal packages of care, that uplift and strengthen, when sent and delivered with heartfelt generosity.

Tip #2: Don’t underestimate the gift of yum.

In most cultures, food is love. Buying someone much needed groceries, making them a home-cooked meal, ordering in, taking them out, or presenting their favorite treat, all provide nourishment for body, mind, and soul. So, going this route is often a sure bet.

Tip #3: Have the courage to be creative.

Within the category of things purchased lies the element of consumerism. As such, we can fall into the trap of buying flowers and jewelry, gift cards, or beer socks, which may, or may not, be stuff that lands as powerfully as something crafted from a place within your heart. Creative giving engages both the giver and receiver in something unique and personalized, thus challenging our tendencies to assume prescribed roles in favor of being more deeply relational.

Gift giving improves mental health by activating areas in the brain associated with pleasure and by strengthening social connections. While science backs this up with hard evidence, most of us do not need to read the research. The felt experience of giving a gift that is well received, or receiving a gift that is given well, is proof enough. So, if you’ve been feeling disconnected or simply want to enhance the quality of your relationship with another, try the practice of gifting with awareness as an effective way to improve personal and relational wellness.

Juneteenth’s history began on June 19, 1865. The executive order known as the emancipation proclamation was issued approximately two years prior. However, it was not implemented in places still under Confederate control. Texas was the final holdout. Not until nearly two years later on June 19, 1865 when Union troops arrived and announced that the state’s 250,000 plus slaves were finally free was it fully realized. Juneteenth has long since been celebrated in the African American community and serves as our country’s second Independence Day. Juneteenth finally became a federal holiday in 2021. Sadly, what should be an uncontroversial day of pause, reflection, and celebration has instead become entangled in controversy and political tension.

I grew up in a diverse pocket of Southern California which mimicked the diversity in my own family of origin. My family was riddled with racial tensions and at times outright racism. My earliest recognition of this was as a very young child. I was playing at the park with my African American grandfather and he was chasing me. Someone confronted him for chasing a seemingly white child and was ultimately dumbfounded to discover he was my grandfather. My grandfather did not bother to explain he was not my biological grandfather which from my perspective today was wise. Better to let them wrestle with why diversity was so difficult to grasp. It was also comforting to me as a child to know that he saw me as his own given the chaos of my childhood. He was and still is the only positive male role model in my life. In fact, I did not just want to be like him I wanted to look like him. Partly because of who he was to me and partly because I wondered if then the stares and comments would stop.

He passed away when I was young, but the tensions did not end in my family nor in the world. In fact, of late things feel particularly tense. It is difficult to find the right words and in today’s climate it may feel best to not say anything at all. It is too important, however, to stay silent. We must process the pain and anger collectively to pave the way for healing and forgiveness. 

Here at PCS we are constantly encouraging clients to sit in their pool of pain, fall apart, and get messy. The anger is always an important part we constantly encourage clients to not pass by or blow through too quickly. Many of us received very pointed and damaging messages about how bad anger is and maybe painful demonstrations of unchecked anger. Some well-meaning people would even say it’s not a primary emotion which just diminishes its value and importance. It is important to slow down and really sit with anger. Wielded properly our anger can serve to protect us individually and as a society going forward. So, while it is not an easy prescription and might feel overly simplistic to such a huge wound it is the beginning path to of healing and forgiveness.  

I hope wherever you are, whatever your background, whatever your story is you take an active role in this healing process. I hope you bravely step into this difficult space of processing generations of abuse and hold space for yours and others anger toward this atrocity in our nation’s history. 

Introduction to Emotional Transformation Therapy

Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT), founded by Dr. Steven Vazquez, is a treatment modality designed to provide emotional healing using color and light. Various psychological and neuroscientific principles are combined to address unresolved emotional pain by accessing our subconscious, changing neuropathways/neural impulses, and increasing the movement towards clarity, empowerment, and decreased distress. There are multiple modalities within ETT that can be incorporated into treatment. 

Understanding the Foundations

The Role of Emotions

Emotions are those lovely things that we tend to compartmentalize, minimize, have difficulty navigating, and sometimes create a sense of overwhelm. We are taught different kinds of expectations from a young age about how emotions should/should not be expressed, felt, and managed.  Sometimes we are taught that certain emotions provide us with the opportunity to get our needs met, whether that be positive or not so much. ETT targets emotions, moves towards resolution of emotional blockage, and improves healthy emotional expression through the reparenting of our brain. 

How ETT Works

ETT utilizes specialized tools involving light and color exposure (spectral chart, goggles, wands, light device), to stimulate neural pathways that are connected to our experiences. Combining those tools with guided therapeutic exploration, ETT works to move stuck emotions from the Amygdala into our emotional processing/regulating center, the Hippocampus. This improves one’s window of tolerance and emotional congruence. 

Applications of Emotional Transformation Therapy

ETT has been shown to be effective with various conditions and issues that include, but are not limited to, the following:

*Trauma

*Anxiety

*Depression

*Obsessions

*Compulsions

*Addictions

*Physical aliments

*ADHD/ADD

*Mood fluctuations

*Sleep disturbances

*Phobias

*Relationships

*Decision making

*Etc.

Benefits of Emotional Transformation Therapy

Holistic Healing

ETT addresses the entire person and is not invasive. As our physical, emotional, and mental ailments tend to be intermingled ETT not only targets what is known but also what is unknown. 

Empowerment and Self-Awareness

Emotional transformation allows for a greater sense of Self and Self-awareness.  With knowledge increases empowerment and confidence. 

Accessibility and Adaptability

ETT is not only adaptable to various settings but is also accessible to individuals and couples.  If you experience color blindness, ETT can still be effective. 

Challenges and Considerations

ETT is not without limitations. Some individuals may need additional support to improve navigation and maintenance. Unfortunately, the availability of trained ETT practitioners may be limited in some regions.  Thankfully, PCS has multiple ETT certified practitioners on staff. Although ETT is an amazing tool, personal preference may be a deciding factor to change into another modality.  Unfortunately, there is no magic wand that will “fix” everything, therefore approaching ETT as a layer to your journey is important. 

Resources

If self-education is your jam, below are some resources to further explore the topic of ETT. 

ETT Training – Emotional Transformation Therapy

Emotional Transformation Therapy: An Interactive Ecological Psychotherapy 

by Steven R. Vazquez

Okay, I know I am going to sound old and cranky here, but I can’t help but notice how loud most restaurants are these days. I love going out to eat with friends and family. I love trying new foods and breaking bread with those I love. I love slowing down over a meal and having a chance to visit for an extended time with people as a break from our busy lives. Eating out has gotten more expensive, but I still like the idea of trying new places and as much as I like cooking, it’s nice to have the option of focusing on the food and the togetherness more than the preparation and clean up.

However, in the past year at least, I have been having a harder and harder time coming up with ideas for places I can go with others and actually be able to HEAR them while we are together. If I am out with a small group, I generally resign myself to knowing that I will really only be able to exchange words with those immediately next to me. Sometimes, the experience leaves me feeling like I miss those I saw but couldn’t talk with even more than if I hadn’t seen them at all.

I looked up some articles online and saw that restauranteurs want a certain level of excitement and ambience in their spaces so that it feels like their establishment is a fun place to gather. I can appreciate that, and I love the cozy feel of background music and warm chatter. But the music has gotten louder and there is less emphasis on sound dampening in dining rooms, in favor of enhancing the party vibe. Could it be that this is part of the societal shift to create places for hip social media posts with vibrant selfies and exotic food photos, and a movement away from deeper connection with those around us?
I don’t think there is a restaurant conspiracy afoot, but I do think we need to be mindful of the way our recent culture has encouraged us to be together without really BEING together. There are times for loud parties and times for quieter gatherings, and I would love to still be able to have these quieter gatherings in public dining spaces. Humans are social animals and connection nourishes and heals us. The ability to co-regulate with each other over relaxed meals and calm exchanges is scientifically proven to be good for our bodies. So let’s be sure to be intentional about making time for these opportunities and find, ask for, or even create spaces to make this happen. Thanks for considering this and allowing me space for my middle-aged rant!