Polyamory is defined as is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Click here to view the Fox 10 News Interview with Dr. Marcus Earle and Dr. Morgan Francis. If you have questions about polyamorous relationships or need help, our team of specialists is available to answer your questions. Call 480-947-5739 for an appointment.
Fox 10 Polyamorous Relationships Interview
By Cindy Kuzma. Contributed by Cristine Toel, MA, LAC, Staff Therapist
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The throbbing, pulsing pain of regular migraines can rob you of so much—including your happiness. Research increasingly suggests a link between migraines and depression. Fortunately, medications and lifestyle changes that help one condition may have benefits for both.
One recent study suggests women with migraines have close to a 50% greater risk for depression than those without severe headache. Another found that as many as 4 in 10 people with chronic migraines develop the condition.
It’s little wonder that frequent migraines dampen your mood. After all, coping with intense, long-lasting pain makes it difficult to stay positive. Migraines can cause you to alter your routine, and they can prevent you from enjoying your normal activities. Anxiety about your migraines can make matters worse. You may even begin to cancel plans in advance, fearing the onset of the next attack.
Genes, Brain Biology Play a Role
But there’s more to the story than meets the eye. For one thing, doctors suspect the association doesn’t just work in one way. People with depression also appear to be at higher risk of developing migraines.
Scientists continue to unravel the reasons. Migraines and depression may share similar underlying biological mechanisms. For instance, genetics could leave you prone to the effects of both conditions, while shifting levels of hormones or neurotransmitters could spark their onset.
Another possibility: An additional external factor may trigger depression and migraines. One recent study suggests chronic stress could link the two. Constant pressure actually changes the way your brain functions, producing both penetrating pain and persistent sadness.
If you have chronic migraines, work with your doctor on developing a plan for controlling them. Keeping your pain in check may also boost your mood.
Antidepressant medications, including Elavil (amitriptyline) and Effexor (venlafaxine), alter your brain chemicals in a way that both improves your mood and reduces your risk for migraine pain. Your doctor may recommend that you take them before a migraine begins to prevent or lessen its effects.
Exercising and eating a nutritious diet can also ward off both head pain and depression. And relaxation techniques can help you cope with stress before it becomes a bigger burden. You can practice some, like deep breathing and meditation, on your own. Others, like biofeedback, are easier to do with a professional’s help. Biofeedback helps you learn to control such functions as blood pressure and pain response.
PCS utilizes the help of an experienced and knowledgeable psychiatrist on staff, Dr. Sheldon Wagman, DO, FACN, DLFAPA as well as a Medical Director, Dr. Richard Isenberg. If you have any questions or need to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist or medical doctor for an evaluation, give us a call at 480-947-5739.
Many couples struggle with sexual dissatisfaction that stems in part from one partner desiring sex more or less frequently than the other. In the past, this problem has primarily been identified as “sexual dysfunction” in one of the two partners. The most common conclusion, and therefore diagnosis, has been to see the partner desiring sex less often as suffering from “hypoactive sexual desire” or low sex drive. Within heterosexual couples, this is especially true when the partner desiring sex less often is female, and the one wanting sex more often is male. On occasion, the partner desiring sex more often will be identified as having “too strong or frequent” a sex drive, clinically referred to as “hyperactive sexual desire” and more commonly referred to as being “oversexed” or in the recent past as “nymphomania”.
Although a number of individual/personal factors can contribute to sexually “shutting-down” or compulsively engaging in sexual behaviors, for many couples it is a relational dynamic that contributes to not “being on the same page” sexually. For this reason, the concept of a “sexual desire discrepancy” is particularly important, as it allows for the “couple” and the interactions between them to be the focus of treatment versus one individual being the identified patient.
I have found that when a couple comes in for sex therapy dealing with problems of desire, they have often already concluded that one of the two is the problem and want him or her to “be fixed”. After the bumpy transition to a new way of looking at things, most couples find it very enlightening, refreshing and hopeful to see that they are both contributing to the problem, and more importantly, can both contribute to the healing of the sexual relationship and a return to (or in some cases first experience of) sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.
The most common relational dynamic contributing to sexual desire discrepancy problems is polarization. Polarization occurs when small differences between two people in an intimate relationship become amplified as each person reacts to the other. One such polarization is often referred to as the “distancer-pursuer dynamic”. This dynamic often begins with the differences between the two partners being a source of attraction. The one takes more initiative and reaches out to the other, finding pleasure in helping to “open the other one up”. Likewise, the pursued partner loves feeling desired, and being able to respond in kind.
Over time, however, the distancer can feel overwhelmed by the “neediness” of the other person, while the pursuer can feel frustrated and afraid by the lack of openness and reciprocity in the relationship. While the one withdraws in reactivity, the other increases the intensity of pursuit. This polarization can continue to the point where ““you always” and “you never” become common phrases thrown out in arguments. Within the sexual relationship, that often sounds like “he always wants sex, it drives me crazy” and “she is so sexually repressed, please fix her”. What appears to be a problem of either raging or dormant hormones is far too often the result of a frustrating yet readily reversible cycle of polarized reactivity within the relationship.
Indeed, there is hope and healing for couples stuck in this cycle! Even when only one partner chooses to make a shift, the dynamic can be positively impacted. When both work to stay in a more balanced place, even better! As the person withholding or avoiding sexual intimacy steps up to the plate and initiates more, and the pursuer patiently backs off, a couple is often able to find a workable balance. If the polarization is successfully decreased and yet the differences in sexual desire still exist, each individual may need to look at intrapersonal factors that may be keeping them from more often being on the same page sexually. Indeed, by working through both the relational dynamic of polarization and one’s own baggage resulting in repressing and/or over-relying on sex, a fulfilling sexual relationship can emerge.
Arizona Study: Traumatic Brain Injury May Suppress Immune System, Increase Pain Sensitivity
By Andrew Bernier. Contributed by Cristine Toel, MA, LAC, Staff Therapist
Those who have had a traumatic brain injury (TBI) often live with pain and sickness in other parts of the body. Now, Arizona research has connected how a single TBI may suppress a person’s whole immune system and give them pain long after their injury.
Following TBI, researchers found more inflammation-promoting molecules, which increase pain sensitivity while the body suppressed the activity of T-cells, which control immune system response. This correlation fits with TBI patients reporting increased neuropathic pain caused by damage or disease to the nervous system.
Primary experiments on mice were done by Rachel Rowe of Phoenix Children’s Hospital, along with University of Arizona College of Medicine – Phoenix and the University of Kentucky.
“With these mice, we’re pricking them in the foot with really fine filament,” said Rowe. “And so, you start off and it doesn’t cause pain and then after the brain injury, the same exact prick causes pain. So it would be, in a human, they have a brain injury and they normally sit at their desk all day and it’s not painful, but now, they have back pain.”
Rowe said the researchers want to learn how long it takes the body to regain T-cells after TBI and if injecting more can help jump-start immune system response.
To see the entire article, click here http://science.kjzz.org/content/307380/arizona-study-traumatic-brain-injury-may-suppress-immune-system-increase-pain
Our diverse and highly trained group of therapists can treat a wide range of conditions. If you have questions concerning this article or would like to speak to Cristine Toel, feel free to call 480-947-5739.
by Mark Bell, LMFT, CSAT, PCS Staff Therapist and Claudine Gallacher, MA
Most parents understand that pornography is prevalent and easily accessible, but they convince themselves that their own good children would never be ensnared by it. Sadly, this is an all too common mistake. Many good, healthy, and normal children get pulled into porn. Here are three reasons why this is a natural result of biological programming, followed by three powerful strategies to porn-proof your own good kids.
Why Good Kids Are Pulled Into Porn
#1. Children are naturally curious.
Curiosity has an especially powerful role in childhood. Curiosity drives learning. Parents discover that curious children want to see, smell, touch, taste, and listen to new things. Humans crave and are hard-wired for novelty of all kinds, but most especially physical novelty (including sexual) experiences. It’s normal for kids to be curious about looking at both male and female naked bodies.
#2. All people, including children, are biologically designed to be drawn to sexualized images.
When children are exposed to sexual images or media they are naturally intrigued and can become excited, even aroused. This does not mean there is something wrong with them. In fact, it indicates that their bodies and brains are responding in a manner consistent with their human design. Pornography elicits within children a premature stimulation of sexual feelings. In other words, though sexual feelings typically awaken during puberty, pornography exposure often causes this aspect of human development to activate too early. Young kids, lacking sufficient life experience and brain maturity, don’t understand these newly awakened and intense sexual feelings and have difficulty coping with them. The end result is that a child will feel drawn to pornography and not know why. The child may or may not like seeing porn initially; nevertheless, the child will often feel an inner pull towards it. It’s important to understand that this pull is as biologically driven as the human preference for sweet foods. Virtually all of us like something sweet. Similarly, there is an aspect in all of us (yes, even children!) that innately responds to sexual images of some kind.
#3. Pornography produces powerful chemicals that reinforce a child’s innate attraction to it.
Besides activating the sexual template too early, porn can activate it too much. This is because pornography is a supernormal stimulus. What does that mean? Humans are hard-wired to be interested in male and female bodies, but under normal circumstances we aren’t exposed to endless numbers of people willing to undress and perform sex acts in front of us the moment we first meet! This “unnatural” sexual stimulus causes the brain to release an “unnatural” (unusually high) dose of a chemical called dopamine, often called the molecule of motivation. Author and behavioral scientist, Dr. Susan Weinschenk explains:
“The latest research shows that dopamine causes seeking behavior. Dopamine causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search. It increases our general level of arousal and our goal-directed behavior.”
When a child sees porn, that child’s brain will begin to release large amounts of dopamine, creating a drive for more, even in a child who did not like seeing pornography in the first place. Unfortunately, with repeated exposure, porn can become strongly woven into the tapestry of a young person’s developing sexual template. Eventually, porn might convince the brain that masturbation in front of a screen is more rewarding and even more normal than sexual experiences within a real, committed relationship.
It’s Normal to Be Enticed by Porn
Hopefully, you can see why good, healthy, and normal children are vulnerable to porn. When children become victims of pornography, they are merely responding naturally to an unnatural or supernormal stimulus. In fact, asking children to reject porn is asking them to have a biologically unnatural response to this supernormal stimulus. Falling prey to porn’s lure is our human default setting. Studies showing that 90% of college age males (and 30% of college age females) view porn regularly bear that out.
What’s a parent to do? 3 Strategies to Empower Your Good Kids
With your help and training, your child CAN DO what it takes to reject pornography.
*Originally published on Protect Young Minds on Sept. 10, 2015
by Mark Bell LMFT, CSAT, PCS Staff Therapist
I’m a father of 5 young boys, ages 2-10 years old, and work as a sex addiction therapist. In this post, I’d like to share three strategies for addressing sexual matters, including pornography.
Maybe because of my profession, I find myself more and more aware of what my kids are confronted with regarding modern sexuality and pornography. Over the course of my career, I have worked with a diverse clientele possessing an assortment of sexual and emotional issues. This has made me even more mindful of my stewardship as a father to protect my sons’ potential by teaching them the important lessons of personal purity, integrity, healthy sexual awareness, and respect for womanhood.
My wife and I have implemented three strategies for addressing sexual matters, including pornography.
One strategy is folded into a monthly father and son interview with me and each of my boys to discuss their spiritual, relational, physical, and intellectual well-being. We pray, we talk, I ask questions, I advise, I listen, I inquire some more, and above all I try to stay curious and inquisitive about each of these domains in their lives. And of course I ask them why it is important to be aware of inappropriate pictures, images, media, peer interactions, and conversations. I affirm what they say and try to add a little something extra that they may have missed or didn’t think to say. One cannot reiterate it too much.
The other strategy we use is to take advantage moments that arise at any given time and place (regardless of what else is going on) to ask and inform them about what they just saw, heard, or were exposed to. For example, my wife and I were watching a news show about a week ago while the boys were running around the house playing basketball on a number of our door-mounted indoor hoops (better than video games and the microwave timer is a great game clock!). During this news show our oldest son took a break to sit down with us and overheard the reporter describe how children can be easily kidnapped. He seemed intrigued and confused. My wife quite naturally proceeded to inquire of him if he knew why some adults would steal children. “No”, he said. She then proceeded to explain that many kids are stolen for sexual purposes and even used in child pornography, which she explained was forcing sexual activity on children that is filmed, put online, and watched by other adults who want to see it. My wife was quite direct and clear, and he was, of course, disturbed by this concept (as we all should be!). Naturally this was not our first sexual conversation with him. If it had been I imagine he would have been even more distressed and confused. However, he was able to hear and comprehend this because he has heard us talk about the harmful impact of pornography a number of times as well as our view of healthy sexuality. Our desire is to take advantage of the moments that naturally present themselves, to make them into empowering conversations instead of solely relying on structured, formal teaching opportunities.
I would like to add that another part of parenting our boys around healthy sexuality is reading books that address these issues directly. One of those books we are using this summer is Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids. My wife and I have looked forward to reading and using this book due to the positive word of mouth by friends, social media connections, and my professional colleagues. In fact, a number of peers in my professional community of IITAP (International Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals) have referenced and recommended this book on our professional listserve. The buzz and endorsement from professionals and friends was a good sign of its broad appeal and benefit to families.
The Results
As we have utilized these three strategies, we have seen our sons’ emotional and sexual intelligence grow appropriately and confidently. The message we want them to hear (and we believe they are already understanding this more and more) is that using pornography is a form of unhealthy sexuality that most often results in making a person more selfish, dishonest, isolated, unhappy, less empathetic and more disrespectful towards others, particularly females. We strive for our sons to understand that respect for others begins with respect for themselves. What they watch, what they say, what they listen to, what they do, and who they associate with largely influences who they become, how they feel, and what they desire. This is what my fatherly role and professional experience has inspired me to instill in my boys.
*Originally published on Protect Young Minds on June 25, 2015
Step 2- “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
“There is a crack in everything that is made-and not the least of all- in each of us”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
In truth, when it comes to recovery, spirituality is never quite what you expect. At the end of the day, spirituality influences the way we open up to life’s experiences. It helps to work through the dishonesty and denial of unmanagability in step 1 by leading to accept imperfection as imperfection. It transforms the ordinary and yet in a strange way is found in the common place of life. The least likely spaces and faces are utilized to reveal truth that comes from the spiritual in life.
When we deny our individual imperfection with defensiveness and minimization, we disown our spiritual nature which is rooted in common shared brokenness. Minus embracing humanity’s broken condition, we become stuck in destructive behavior without compassion.
Yet, when I embrace my own weakness, I am invited to cultivate compassion toward myself and others. This is the essential root of healing in relationships. Pema Chodron stated “compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.”
In developing compassion for my own weakness, I develop compassion for the weakness of others. Spirituality is a journey of becoming one with every sinner. So the victim of destructive addictive behavior is one with the perpetrator because we are all one in common shared weakness. Essentially we all offend and that common thread creates spirituality.
In this sense, spirituality becomes a necessary ingredient for accountability. If we all offend, not just the addict, then it stands to reason that holding each other accountable is necessary to create safety in community. It becomes the glue that holds the parts of recovery together.
Spirituality is found in the wound of human failure. Entangled in the powerful shackle of shame that wraps itself around the spirit like an infectious worm. Defeat and desolation from addictive act become compost for cultivating humility, a cardinal component of spirituality. It is by fertilizing Step 2 and nourishing spirit that later in Step 9, we make amends from the compassion for others spawned from Step 2. Spirituality is the ingredient that forms an antibiotic to conceit and arrogance. It combats self-sufficiency, self-centeredness and the pride that denies need which is the root of all our struggles. In a strange turn of events, the Step 2 process takes the broken condition of addiction and connects it to every other human tribulation. We are all one. Through this epiphany, we look to a Power greater to address the limiting crack common to us all.
Ken Wells is a PCS staff therapist, lecturer, and author of The Clarification Packet. He facilitates Men’s Leadership Weekends held throughout the year. He can be reached at pcs@pcsintensive.com for additional information.
Cristine Toel, MA, LAC, S-PSB PCS Staff Therapist and Psychodrama Trainee at the Arizona Psychodrama Institute
The American Society of Group Psychotherapy and Psychodrama (ASGPP) held their 74th Annual Conference (“Desert Oasis: Healing the Spirit Within”) at the Phoenix Sheraton Crescent this past weekend. PCS had a strong presence at the conference and was acknowledged for continuing to use Psychodrama in our intensive program. We hold psychodrama group on Monday and Wednesday evening led by two wonderful directors, Soozi Bolte and Grayce Gusmano. I’ve had the privilege of working with both of them and they are generous and supportive mentors. My trainer from the Arizona Psychodrama Institute, Marlo Archer, did a great job co-chairing the event. I’ve never seen such a calm, positive presence in the midst of so much movement!
I started the conference on Friday, and walked into a ballroom filled with national and international participants moving to the music of Tony Redhouse, a Native American Sound Healer, Spiritual Teacher, and recording artist. The group then shifted to a life-sized sociometric choice where participants could walk the room and land on a topic they’d like to work on. I found myself at a sign that involved feeling stuck in a role and wanting change. From there we followed our group leaders from the Hudson Valley Psychodrama Institute, Regina Sewell, PhD, LMHC, PCC, and Jennifer Salimbene, CASAC, LSCW-R, PAT, to a separate ballroom. They referred to themselves as “Reggie” and “Jen” and their dynamic was inspiring. I’ve never played the Protagonist in Psychodrama before (probably because this is only the second time I’ve ever volunteered), but I wanted to explore my role as mom and was chosen by the group to do that. Reggie and Jen asked me to pick one of them to direct the psychodrama, but I really wanted the two of them to work together, and they agreed. From that experience I discovered the following to be true: Psychodrama does get at things in a different, deeper way, if you don’t make a move you will stay stuck, and Brene Brown is right about connecting through our vulnerability. I met some wonderful people Friday morning and that carried through the rest of the weekend.
Some highlights from the weekend for me included seeing Dr. Meg Givnish’s Problem-Solving Theater Troupe (Palm Beach, FL); a group that uses theatrical improvisation in combination with psychodrama. Her troupe chose the “problem” from a hat, assigned themselves roles, and played out the drama with humor and truth, while Meg directed, and the audience participated. I also loved Katrena Hart, LPCS, CBT, ATA, CETT, TEP, from Texas, who chose the theme of the “Big, Bad Wolf,” to illustrated what she referred to as the “Satten Slide,” based on the work of West Coast mentors, Dorothy and Mort Satten. The technique involved role reversal, which helps the client express the perspective of the person who possesses the title of “Big, Bad Wolf.” The illustration of that technique was powerful and showed the group the language we all share is emotion. On Sunday afternoon the group was pretty tired but we spent our last session working on the Canon of Creativity with Deborah Shaddy, LCPC, who is involved with psychodrama in both Kansas and New York. After she explained the concept we worked as a group to build it in the center of the room. From there the Canon provided a resource for all of us to explore where we were at in our lives (warming up, spontaneity, creativity, or the cultural conserve). The exercise provided a recognition that being hard on yourself is a direct detractor to spontaneity and creativity. So yes, I’ll keep working on that!
Thank you PCS for participating in this awesome event!
Depression is the predecessor to suicide and teens experience depression differently than adults. For example:
Instead of exhibiting typical depressive behavior such as lethargy, helplessness and lack of energy, most teens will become hyperactive. Although increased activity during the teen years can be normal, changing friends or interests frequently can indicate a serious problem. When this happens, the teen begins alienating himself from many forms of emotional support. When this occurs, the teen does not maintain any strong connections and they become a higher suicide risk.
Surprisingly teen suicide rates increase dramatically following a publicized account of suicide. A teenagers’ attitude or affective mood can change dramatically overnight. Often, they will imitate what is happening around them, or copy something they have heard about in the news.
Alcohol and drugs may mask depression. Although alcohol is a depressant, in teenagers, it can be a way of acting out so the teen will not have to feel the inner feelings of self-condemnation or loss.
(Taken from ALPHA News – Understanding Teen Depression and Suicide by Gaylen Larson, M.A.)
Divorce happens to about 40-50% of first marriages and another group of children lose a parent to death. While divorce and bereavement do not necessarily lead to long-term adjustment problems in children, there is a subset of kids who suffer long-term problems as a result of these transitions. Following divorce or bereavement some kids then have to deal with the unique issues associated with blended families, such as the myth of immediate love; how to have a relationship with a stepparent, stepsiblings, or half siblings; increased demand for limited resources, such as money, time and space; and how to manage the different culture, rules and expectations of extended biological family and extended stepfamily.
In spite of all these challenges, there are concrete, evidence-based strategies parents can use to help kids cope and to prevent their children from suffering long-term damage from family transitions. At PCS, we offer child therapy, teach parenting strategies, and provide family therapy to address the unique concerns of children and families who have experienced divorce, bereavement or repartnering/remarriage.
(480) 947-5739
info@pcsintensive.com
